There are three types of families, throughout society and throughout history.
The first one is the Trustee family. These are large clan families, where extended families live in unity. The modern equivalent is the Mafia, especially as depicted in The Godfather films.
The second one is the Domestic family. Usually with at least four children, the grandparents frequently live together with the parents in the family.
The third one is the Atomistic family. Usually with few children, many parents are divorced or had never married in the first place.
These three types form because of different values. There are three sets of parallel values that give rise to each form.
The first set of parallel values regards individualism. The Trustee family ignores individuals; individuals have the only function of perpetuating the family. The Domestic family is based on an understanding of interdependence; individuals are unique and irreplaceable because everyone is deeply affected by their relationships with others. The Atomistic family exalts hyperindividualism, which exists as two extremes; either the individual is supreme and above any relationships, or the individual is a victim of his social environment. Either extreme ignores the nature and reality of free will and the importance of relationships.
The second set of parallel values regards the meaning of life. The Trustee family is about power and survival of the family. The Domestic family sees all relationships and actions in a spiritual light that emphasizes sacredness and greater meaning. The Atomistic family sees all relationships and actions in a hedonistic manner that emphasizes deriving pleasure.
The third set of parallel values regards one's obligations in relationships. The Trustee family demands duty and loyalty. The Domestic family emphasizes obligation, care and responsibility. The Atomistic family sees relationships as a private contract, wherein either partner can dissolve the relationship for any reason of dissatisfaction.
Because the values of the Domestic family are most in line with human beings' need for relationships that are deeply caring, intimate, loving and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and sense of permanency, these values are the best family values to cultivate.
I sincerely thank the following teachers that enabled me to have these insights: Confucian scholars, Buddhist Dharma masters, and Carle Zimmerman.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The Importance of the Family for Attaining Happiness
When a need is not met, suffering occurs. The greater the need not met, the greater the suffering. Therefore, in order to solve human suffering, an understanding of human need is critical. Because suffering opposes happiness, human needs must first be met in order to achieve human happiness.
Though each human being is unique and constantly is a state of transformation, all human beings share a fundamental human nature. One central foundation of this human nature is the need for relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. Another central foundation of human nature comes from our nature as biological entities; we have the need to reproduce and raise offspring.
The family is the best and unrivaled way in which both these needs are best addressed. Only the family can provide relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. The family is also the best and unrivaled way wherein reproduction is safest and in which children are raised well.
There are variations among families; some are healthy and functional, some are unhealthy and dysfunctional. Some families are more intimate, deeply caring, loving, and create safety, stability, dependability, and responsibility. Some families lack these virtues.
These variations come from differences in behavior. These differences in behavior ultimately come from different values. Different values manifest through different understandings and different degrees of self-cultivation. Different understandings of values and different degrees of self-cultivation form character, and character dictates behavior, and behavior changes family life.
Family life allows one to attain relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. These relationships fulfill fundamental human needs, and create happiness where otherwise there would be suffering.
Therefore, to attain happiness, one must fulfill one's needs. Because one needs intimate relationships, one needs good family life. Because one needs good family life, one must have the right values, right understanding, right cultivation, leading to right character, right behavior, and right family life.
To ignore this reality is to perpetuate ourselves in a state of stress and suffering.
Though each human being is unique and constantly is a state of transformation, all human beings share a fundamental human nature. One central foundation of this human nature is the need for relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. Another central foundation of human nature comes from our nature as biological entities; we have the need to reproduce and raise offspring.
The family is the best and unrivaled way in which both these needs are best addressed. Only the family can provide relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. The family is also the best and unrivaled way wherein reproduction is safest and in which children are raised well.
There are variations among families; some are healthy and functional, some are unhealthy and dysfunctional. Some families are more intimate, deeply caring, loving, and create safety, stability, dependability, and responsibility. Some families lack these virtues.
These variations come from differences in behavior. These differences in behavior ultimately come from different values. Different values manifest through different understandings and different degrees of self-cultivation. Different understandings of values and different degrees of self-cultivation form character, and character dictates behavior, and behavior changes family life.
Family life allows one to attain relationships that are intimate, deeply caring, loving, and built upon stability, dependability, responsibility, and a sense of permanency. These relationships fulfill fundamental human needs, and create happiness where otherwise there would be suffering.
Therefore, to attain happiness, one must fulfill one's needs. Because one needs intimate relationships, one needs good family life. Because one needs good family life, one must have the right values, right understanding, right cultivation, leading to right character, right behavior, and right family life.
To ignore this reality is to perpetuate ourselves in a state of stress and suffering.
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