There has never been a case where...

There has never been a case where the parent has raised his children well and they treat him badly. There has never been a case where the parent has raised his children badly and the children treat him well.

There has never been a case where the parent has raised his children well and they do not love him back. There has never been a case where the children love the parent and the parent has not raised them well.

Parents influence their children before they are even conceived in the womb. By choosing who to marry, he is choosing who will become the other parent of his children. When the child is born, he and his spouse chooses who the child will spend time with (friends, teachers), what is emphasized within the family (which will shape the child's values), what the child will be exposed to (television, books, school), and so forth. The parent, through words and actions, constantly educates his child from his moment of first consciousness. Truly, the parent acts as God for the child.

Therefore, parents must take all the responsibility for their children's failures, exactly as leaders must take all the responsibility for their subordinates' failures.

A parent who fights perpetually and acrimoniously with his spouse endangers his children. Either the child must take a side and develop anger against one parent, or must ignore the issue being fought over. If the child takes a side, he must denigrate the parent he deems as wrong. In doing so, he damages the child's practice of filial piety. Inevitably, the child's lack of filial piety will be turned against the parent pushing him to take a side.

On the other hand, if the child ignores the issue being fought over, he will practice stupidity, acceptance of injustice, and acceptance of disharmony. By not investigating who is at fault and why, he practices stupidity and will lack wisdom. By not finding blame and rectifying wrong, he will accept injustice. By accepting fighting, he becomes at ease with disharmony and begins to believe it to be the natural and inevitable state of things.

If a child is wise and mature to be aware of both possibilities, he must face a great inner struggle.

A parent who deeply neglects his duties as parent endangers his children greatly. Either the child will recognize the fault or not recognize the fault. If the child recognizes the fault, he will have a great hindrance, a great obstacle toward cultivation of filial piety.

If the child does not recognize the fault of his wrongful parent, he will accept the parent's habits as acceptable and not requiring severe amendment. In accepting this, the child will absorb these habits and harmful personality traits into his own being, and his own future family (spouse and children) will be exposed to the same dangers as well.

If the child is wise and mature to be aware of both possibilities, he must face a great inner conflict.

A child who grows up with parents loving harmoniously will be happy and fully capable of loving his future spouse with care and tenderness.

A child who grows up with parents dutiful and loving will be happy and fully capable of raising his children with love and able excellence.

That is why good parents deserve the greatest praise, bad parents deserve condemnation, and all parents in fact deserve how their children treat them.